WHAT REALLY IS LOVE?

Sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy of love. Other times I feel like I deserve all the love in the world. Then I stop to wonder, what really is love? Is it just a feeling or is it something deeper than that? If you ask someone older they will tell you this, “Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS…. 1^ST Corinthians 13:4-8.” Now this is the perfect definition of what love is but we get too blinded to really see that love like that is the best kind of love. If you ask me what I think love is I’ll probably give you a romance novel definition. I would tell you that love is being with someone who holds you and looks at you like you’re the only perfect human being in the whole world; who puts you on a pedestal above everything and everyone; someone who fills this empty void in your life (pssh as if they’re Jesus). Is that really what love is? Or am I too caught up in the books and romance movies that I fail to see that even if someone holds you and tells you you’re the most perfect human being in the world that does not mean they love you. They might just really like you and say anything to keep you around.

I’m pretty sure half of us have been with someone like that; who seem to do the right thing but don’t really love you and you stay with them because you feel like they do love you because you love them or love being with them. Perhaps you were just in love with the idea of the love you want to see in them. You could have been genuinely in love with them but that doesn’t mean that just because you love someone they love you back. Sometimes people are with you because of how you love them; because of how you treat them. They love the attention you give to them and everything you do for them but they don’t really love you. One of my favorite quotes is from the romance movie ‘(500) days of summer’: “we accept and love each other not because of who we are but despite who we are.” No one is perfect, people are flawed but we love regardless. If you love someone ‘because....’ that means your love is conditional. “I love him because he gives me money” okay so if that money wasn’t there would you still love him? To really know real love you have to look at their flaws and after that ask yourself if you still love them.

When someone asks me if I’ve ever been in love I usually say no, but, I think I have been in love. How do I know? Because I loved him regardless of his late replies, I loved him regardless of his lack of emotional availability, I loved him regardless of all the bad signs he showed me because deep down I saw in him what he couldn’t see in himself. I saw in him a potential and so much love I thought I’d be the one to bring out. Someone once said that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are but also inspires you to grow. It’s not about changing someone it’s about loving them enough to encourage change. Maybe I didn’t love enough to encourage him to embrace his emotions. So if you ask me if I’ve ever been in love I’d say ‘oh yeah I definitely have.’ Some would ask, ‘well since you broke up does that mean you never really loved each other? Does that mean love failed?’ Absolutely not. Love can still exist even after the break up, you could’ve broken up probably because of timing or distance or even just outgrowing each other but that doesn’t mean you never loved each other from the beginning. Danielle LaPorte once said, “The end of a relationship doesn’t diminish the love.”

Love hurts for many reasons; could be because of all the self-sacrifice you make for someone that goes unappreciated, could be because the other person changed their feelings towards you; despite the pain, love is a risk worth taking. Now we have to remember that there are flaws that can be accepted and flaws that should not be tolerated. You can accept someone’s messy habits, anxiety struggles, past mistakes and other human weaknesses but you should not tolerate abuse; physical or emotional, manipulative behavior, disrespect and other harmful habits. Sometimes if someone shows you that they don’t want you, don’t waste your time, don’t make excuses for them just leave them alone, there are people who refuse to grow out of their emotional weaknesses. There’s a difference between loving someone regardless of their flaws and tolerating toxic behavior; a difference between acceptance and condoning.  Love is not about enabling bad behavior.

When Benson Boone sang; “the only love you’ve ever known is Jesus” I didn’t know if that was insulting or a compliment lol that is the best kind of love anyway. But I think he meant you’ve never really experienced the good romantic type of love and I felt that. During one time I was going through a heartbreak from yet another failed talking stage, I was scrolling through my Pinterest and something really caught my attention. It was a prayer. A prayer for finding someone to love you right for once in your life. I took that idea and made it my own so I wrote in my journal and eventually forgot about it. When I went through my last heartbreak from a relationship I really wanted to work out, I picked up my journal which I hadn’t touched in so long and stumbled upon the prayer I wrote. It goes; ‘Dear Lord, I want someone to love me, to hold me, to look at me like I’m the only girl on the planet. I want someone who understands me and helps me grow, spiritually and mentally; someone who will make me believe in love; someone I can trust. Someone who makes me laugh; who can tell when I’m down. Someone who can do the silliest things with me and understand my random obsessions and who will love my rants. Someone who lets me be myself and won’t think I’m a weirdo; someone who can bring out the good in me. I want someone who I can fantasize with, travel with and make funny impressions with lol; someone who loves you Lord more than anything even more than me; someone who I can go to church with and serve you with; someone I can share music with, have impromptu dance parties and karaoke with. Lord I ask that you may guard my heart, protect me from guys who aren’t supposed to be in my life, who are not in your plans for me. I want to have a love that comes from you Lord. Amen.”

Now you’re probably wondering why I decided to type out my whole emotional prayer like some cringe high school girl ranting lol. I typed it down because I know there’s a number of people that might relate to the pain of being with the wrong people and feeling like you’ll never find the right one. I hope it helps at least one person out there who’s on the verge of numbness because of always going for the ‘bad’ ones; the ‘always make me sad’ ones. Never forget the love presented to us in 1^st Corinthians 13. If you need a guide to knowing whether or not he/she is the right one, open your Bible. Are they patient? Are they kind? Do they keep a record of all your wrongs and think evil? It’s not only a guide for the other person but also for you, love isn’t one sided remember?

‘People don’t really write sonnets about being compatible, they write sonnets about the agony of love, and that’s what this is…… this is the agony of love…..’